


There's No Right or Wrong Answer In These Situations

by IHeartSnuffles



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Dave, Asexual, Asexual Character, Asexual Dave, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:03:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3507617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHeartSnuffles/pseuds/IHeartSnuffles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Director Dave Strider's learned over the course of his career that journalists and paparazzi can be nosey fucks. So to combat the invasive questions, he'll do anything and everything to figure out new ways to jump outta that stupid plane of "who're you dating/fucking".</p>
<p>Considering he's aromantic and asexual, there wouldn't be much to talk about anyways. Might as well make his exits flashy like his movies.</p>
<p>Inspired by this post http://broderrickstrider.tumblr.com/post/111029211294/</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Dave Goes To Get Coffee

“Mr. Strider!!”

“Mr. Strider please hold on!!”

“We have a couple questions for you!”

 

Dave sighed, the paparazzi was really getting on his nerves today. He’d just gone out to get a coffee for fuck’s sake. He straightened from the slouch he’d tried to hide his tall stature in, and spun around with ease. His patented poker face was back on in milliseconds, and his coffee was given to his assistant who had come with him as a cover. But with it blown to shit in a matter of minutes there wasn’t any point in hiding it.

 

“What’s up guys?” He leveled his stare at the reporters, a few of them snapping pictures of him in his scraggly old t-shirt and sweatpants. He didn’t give a flying fuck whether or not he was dressed well, he honestly hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of stuff today. “You in the blue, you first. What’s your editor want to know about me?”

 

“The people want to know if you’ve been accepted to the awards ceremony next week for-“

 

“Yeah. I have. Next question.” Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades, nodding at the poor guy.

 

“The people also want to know if you’ve got your eye on any special someone lately. You’ve been seen with Miss Lalonde of the Terror Wizard gaming corporation and we were wondering if there was a thing between you two?”

“Yes, Mr. Strider is there a girl in your life right now?”

“How often do you go on dates?” “Where’s your favorite place to take a girl?” “Any favorite positions?”

 

“Whoa whoa…” Dave backed up a few steps and the journalists stepped forward, not reading his rising shoulders or hands as a sign of nerves. “Those are kind of private questions, and no Lalonde and I are just friends-“

 

“So you’re old friends?” “Lovers?” “Friends with benefits, probably.”

 

As the journalists worked themselves up into a frenzy, Dave’s shoulders dropped and his hands went down. His assistant was waving his arms frantically, pointing at his watch. They were going to be late for his ice cream marathon of Scrubs, oh fuck no.

 

“Oh shit, did you guys see that?” Dave pointed over towards a parking lot, feigning surprise. “I think Hugh Jackman, yeah that’s really fucking him the guy’s unmistakable, holy shit he just got totally wrecked by a bird. Shit’s everywhere on him and his car.” He snickered, the mass of paparazzi turning to look.

 

Quck as he could, he dashed forward, dodging around the group and grabbing his coffee from his assistant’s hand. “Let’s scram Nitram, we got a TV marathon to catch. Later kiddos.” His assistant laughed and followed quickly, the two running as fast as they could back to Dave’s apartment complex. They had to jump a few streets to really lose the journalists, finally making it back to the complex and quietly ducking inside.

 

“I uh, heard some of those questions Dave. Y’know, it kinda uh sucks that you can’t really answer them, but hey these crazy escapes have been getting really fun lately.” His assistant grinned as they stepped into the elevator. Dave sighed, pushing his shades up with a small smirk.

 

“If I mentioned I’m aro and ace they’d probably shove themselves right up their own asses with how nobody would understand. Might as well just give them a run for their money.”

 

“Yeah… I’ll uh, get the ice cream Dave. You need dorito pizza right?” Dave looked up from fumbling with his keycard and grinned, punching his assistant’s shoulder.

 

“Fuck yes dude, best way to spend the Saturday.”


	2. In Which Dave Is On Television And Promos Jane's Company Instead Of Talking About Dumb Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave doesn't like these questions, with how often he turns them down they always find some way to pigeon hole him on the camera but unlucky for them he's the master of segway.

“And so Mr. Strider, your next movie is slated to start this next weekend. Anything we should look forward to?”

 

“Dragons. Lots of them.” Dave replied simply, his trademark smirk making a few girls and guys in the audience sigh.

 

“Well now that the other questions are done, let’s move on to the questions we’ve been dying to ask you.”

 

Oh no not this shit again. Dave stifled a yawn, glancing over at his crew. His assistant was rolling his eyes, his makeup stifling a giggle. Jane was ignoring him from where she was standing off stage, her Crockercorp phone buzzing on her ear. He figured he’d might as well make this an interesting interview.

 

“Better make ‘em snappy, my flight here was a disaster and I’m still a bit jet-lagged, so sorry if I’m a little tired.” Dave replied smoothly, moving his sight back to the poor talk show host. If only she knew what was about to happen.

 

“So many people are talking and the gossip of the people is mentioning that you have a special someone you’re thinking about lately. Any juicy details?” She had such a bright future, why did she have to ask that question first.

 

“Y’know, actually I have a special someone. That someone is my breakfast. Did I mention I had the best breakfast this morning before I got on the plane?” Dave deadpanned, starting into a whole detailed story about his delicious eggs and ham breakfast he’d made via a recipe from the Betty Crocker site. The audience’s snickers could be heard by the microphones and the host quickly found a stopping point in his story and cut to commercial break after thanking him for the interview. As he stepped off the stage he met Jane’s eyes before sliding his shades back on.

 

“Well what can I say, the Betty Crocker breakfast I had this morning was top notch. Free ad space for you sis.” Dave shrugged with a smile, Jane lightly punching his arm.

 

“Good save Director Douche, now you have a meeting at four. Let’s grab you some not-as-godly lunch and hit the road before this studio manager wrings your neck.” Jane chuckled, pulling out her phone as she walked ahead, Dave falling into step beside her as his assistant and makeup followed behind with hushed laughter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may just keep writing little blurbs like these for fun, lemme know what you think :3


	3. In Which Dave Denies Ever Meeting This Strange And Invasive Douche Interviewer Ever Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to do the one where he looks at his wrist (especially after checking his phone for added bonus to weirdness) so yeah, here's Dave leaving another interview with all the tact of a wet dog.

“So Mr. Strider, can I call you Dave?” This guy was way up in his space, how the hell could he not see the fact that he was like a ridiculously unaware puppy with how invasive he was getting? Dave’s shoulders raised a little and he straightened his back, his assistant hiding a grin behind a hand as he saw the transformation.

 

“Actually nah, you can’t. Only my friends call me that.”

 

“Friends? Speaking of which, any guy or girl you thinking of getting with? We’d love to hear the latest and greatest from one of the sexiest guys in the industry.”

 

Dave’s shoulders raised even more, but he forced them down to stop himself from ruining his carefully ironed shirt. Rose would kill him if her work had gone to waste. He quickly pulled out his phone and texted his assistant “Plan Ace lets go” before pocketing the phone and giving the man a bright smile. It was almost unsettling to see such a nice expression on a usually composed, expressionless director that it surprised the man.

 

“So, Dave, I was hoping to get a few more questions for my employer-“

 

After seeing Nitram leave a moment later, he checked his wrist. He’d left his watch at home on purpose so that he wouldn’t lose it like last time, but he made it blatantly obvious that he was staring at his blank wrist before looking up at the man. “Well would you look at the time, I’m late for my evening date with my dog and her vet appointment. Sorry I can’t stay and chat.” He straightened himself to his full height, and quickly walked towards the door.

 

“B-But there’s not… Dave-“

 

“It’s Strider.” He called out over his shoulder, popping the door open and letting it slam shut behind him, striding over to where his car was already parked for a quick getaway. “Never ever bring me back to this place Tav, never again. Block his calls, block his emails. I want to make it that he doesn’t exist to me.”

 

“Done and uh, done Dave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i liked this one, give me some ideas for more things dave does to get out of stupid interviews


End file.
